I pushed too hard, tried to do too many things at once. I felt the barrier coming, but ignored it, trying to make one more breakthrough in my code.
Last night and today I am learning how to plot multi-dimensional data. In practice, this is very simple. But this has been a real struggle for me.
I promised myself that in this Masters, I would not take any shortcuts, that what I learn would be fully integrated into my understanding. Due to my lack of a mathematical science foundation, some of the core principals of data reduction, statistical application, and multi-dimensional visualisation are totally new to me.
What’s more, my anxiety literally heats my brain to a point of dysfunction, the back of my neck feels like someone is pouring hot syrup down my spine (since 2011). When I feel stupid, when I can’t figure something out, and when the pressure is on … I spiral.
I feel as though I lost a full day (which I can’t afford to do).
On the walk to the train station I asked Arun a number of questions to clarify my understanding. The physical act of walking, gesturing with my arms and hands helped tremendously. Arun is always patient, and an excellent explainer. A few key concepts became clear and it fell into place for me.